Mother's Day

It is red. I have to wait for the green again. 

"Why cant these people build an Over bridge here " I thought.

I switched off the FM to get rid of the rubbish Ads that are annoying me.

It played the pen drive automatically.

"You put your arms around me and I'm home".... Christina Perry is awesome, I thought.

     A drop of sweat that fell down to the baby's cheek didn't disturb his sleep while his mother was begging for food. He was sleeping peacefully in the warmth of his mother's breast. Just like the song that is playing.

Its a blessing that he is a baby, because she only have to beg for a single stomach, I thought.
She looked  pale and in some pain.She was visibly handicapped, we can see that while she walks.

The wild noon sun was shining boldly over a glass black scar on her cheek. 

Her gaze had so many stories to tell. Who will listen to her in this busy city?

I gave her 50 Rupees and the doll I had in my dashboard which I bought for my niece .

what is his name? I asked.

"Anand " , She replied.

She stared at me gratefully as the green signal was on and the smoking cars started to move.

My car joined them after I gave a smile to the mother who is begging on the mothers day.

I felt proud of myself that I gave them money for food, I was an odd in the traffic signal.

My mind was full of the mother and the child during the  night. I decided that I will donate a part of my salary to the needy people like this. I really wanted to.

I could see my fan rotating making a cozy lullaby  through the soothing moonlight that enter into my open window. The sleep was sound.

********

The day was hectic. The traffic was terrific.
I saw her again in a blue saree. She was carrying her son onto her chest.
I waved at her, I don't know why i did that. She was looking at me mysteriously,
It seemed to me that she didn't recognize me at all. How many people she used to see every day, I thought.
She came near to my car as she took her kid from  right chest to put him to the left.
I noticed that was not a boy. I was flummoxed.
I asked her as I pull down my car's window. "You have two kids?
 "No"She said.
"Where is Anand " I was firm.
She walked away quickly without answering me.literally running .
I was so much disappointed that she was lying.
A big Lie.

I wanted to report this to Police, the first thing that came into my mind was that.
The fake mother in blue saree thwarted my day.


That night , the fan sounded noisy. Moonlight was annoyance.
I closed the window and the sleep was noisy.

********
I followed her, she was walking very fast.
She hadn't  notice me yet.
She had a sleeping kid in her hand.
I am aware of this now, They abduct kids from various part of the country and they sedate kids with drugs to sleep and they use them as a tool for begging. A filthy business.
She entered a strange narrow way which leads to a slum like place.
I followed. Three men were looking at me harshly as they pulled the tobacco smokes to the souls of their lungs.
The smoke hit on my face. I hated it. But I smiled at them.Their looks turned light and they smiled back,  mysteriously though.
She got inside a small house and came out soon alone.
I knew it, I knew it,I whispered to myself.
She went back to the main road. I followed again.
The bunch of men who were smoking when i came to the slums neither noticed me nor her. Seemed like it was not tobacco.

She was very fast.
My throat was craving for water, I followed her.
I understood that she is going to cross the Railway tracks that leads to some huts that are kept near to the railway tracks illegally
There were less that 10 huts in that area. She went inside a hut.
It was stinking.
I tried to gather courage .
I walked , I crossed the railway tracks and walked straight to her hut.
I could hear her talking.

"Anand, How was your first day at school"
I was hungry, he replied.
Do you know what i brought for you today?
What? Wow... he said....

She was selfish. I thought first. But when I got into my car, I realized she is mother. She is doing it for her child. For his studies.

My mind filled with emotions.

I was on bed early that day as I skipped my dinner.
My mind was occupied by her.
What she is doing is right?

I don't know, There are things that cannot be answered, which are a mixture of rights and wrongs.
But I could make it right . I decided.

***********
The sun was already down as I crossed the railway tracks.
I got inside their hut while it was shaking from the vibration of the passing train.
"Hi Anand"....I Said.
He took his eyes from the book surprisingly.

Reflections

 The knife reflected his face like a mirror, the water in the tub did the same.

 His cheeks were burning with hot blood like tears.

 His heart was aching.

He saw himself through the reflection.

He in the reflection disappeared gradually. Then it was his dad, Mom, sister, Brothers'....faces.
He realized it is not just him in his reflection, there are many.

He was confused. He continued to sit in the warm water for more than 4 hours looking at their faces.

His tears also contributed to the water in the tub along with the occasional drops that comes out from the tap.

The dreams He always wanted to walk on  lifted him up.
He walked. He ran. He ate. He cried, He rested and again He woke up. 

The Crews of his life made him stronger. They took his tears on their hearts.

He learned lessons. He learned to think with the brain and not just with the emotions.

He realized the very reason of the brain in people's personal life.

The memories are not fading. He want them all.

As he walked to his dreams finally,
He heard a song playing some where in the street......

"Now we've got holes in our hearts, yeah we've got holes in our lives

        we've got holes but we carry on"

                                                                                                    ~ A Psychopath

BIG B

I know I am weak.
I am one of those persons who usually forget my own Birth day.
I am don't remember any one's B'Day as well.
Facebook helps a lot to let me know the B'day of my friends.
There are some who expect and get disappointed by me because they were really waiting for the a B'Day wish from Me.
Some one who have me in their bottom of the Heart.

I am writing this ashamed to realize that I am so silly and I don't still live till the expectation of the people who really Love me and Care about me.

To my brother who cried for me, who supported to me, who care for me, who misses me so much.
Please understand, I am writing this on your heart with my blood ,

I am sorry.

Happy B'Day and let this year sooth you, let it make you laugh together with me, Let this year take you to new heights of thoughts and kindness.

I Love you.

                                                                                                                              ~ A Psychopath

The gift box

The wind blowing in through the window of the train took some of her hair strands to my face... I felt like i was feeling her...
She looked back as if to see why am I keeping quite..
And she found that her hair was running all over my face... She asked sorry and fixed her hair clip again.
She laid on my shoulder for some time.
Then She asked..."why didnt you tell me that my hair was disturbing you?"
I chuckled and said..no it was not.
She asked surprisingly "why"?
I said.."I love your hair".
************
Her teeth was visible from far as she walked to me from the college.
I noticed that she was hiding some thing in her hand.
As she came near me I asked "what is it?"
She smiled in a naughty way and said "a gift ....for you"
"but you have to promise me that you won't open it till you reach your room" and She handed it over to me
A box wrapped with a red velvet cloth.

********
I opened it as soon as I reached home.It was a small match box inside the red velvet cloth.
I opened the match box with a little bit of excitement and with a lot of restlessness.
There was an yellow piece of folded paper inside the match box instead of match sticks.
I unfolded the paper and found three strands of hair.. and it was written on the paper in red bold letters.....

"These are not the fallen from my head, if you know what I mean.. keep this. I love you "
                                                         
                                                                                                                         ~~a Psycho~~

Colour chalks

(Inspired from a video which caught my mind for several weeks)

            I am working here for the last 7 Years. I used to see kids grow up and leave this place. The kindness of some good hearts and the show off of some hypocrite rich people are the source of income for this orphanage. By the way, I too was an orphan but now I have a family. Sherya Kiran who came to my life from this orphanage itself. As we don’t have a second name or surname, we kept each other’s name as the second name and thus I am called Kiran Shreya. Sometimes people asks me, Why did your parents kept your mother’s name as your second name? I reply them with utmost pride that is not my mother’s name, it’s my wife’s.
              Actually speaking this story is not about me, it is about a 4 year old kid who taught me a lesson. Who made me think and who made me realize who I am. We call him Pappu. A cute blithesome kid with every sort of naughtiness to make this orphanage a very noisy place. He was thrown away by his parents at the age of 2  impassively and that makes him more disappointed one than the other kids live here but he is the smartest kid of all.
     A week ago he was asking me some colour chalks and I was not curious as I was already aware of his artistic skills. I bought a box of colour chalks when I went home to have my lunch. As I came back to the orphanage I found him awaiting his chalks while talking to the watchman. He chuckled and his cheek filled with blood to make it pink as his eyes caught the box in my hand.
     I gave him the box and he started to run in frisson towards the large veranda haste fully. I shouted “careful”.
I saw him loosening his sandals to draw some thing on the veranda as I got in to my office. After some time, through the window I saw kids waiting for him to complete whatever he was drawing. As he completed it I saw him lying on what he drew which made me curious. I got out of my office and reached the veranda .I was imbued by that little souls creation on which he laid on. He saw me as he was laying on the large picture of a women.
            He told me “I am lying on my mom’s chest, it is so warm in here”
     My eyes filled with tears as I ran to the bathroom to cry again after a long time. I saw myself in him and I realized how much he was missing his parents like I did. I made a decision that evening, Shreya seconded it.

 9 years later
On the thirteenth birth day of our son, we are planning to gift him a bicycle as a surprise gift who taught me giving a life to someone is the most fruitful thing a man could ever do. Today I am proud father and more than that a proud human being.
Adopt a child, I believe it is what we call “being human”.

A girl in the train

While my sight was slipping through the faces of a bunch of gorgeous “Kottayam Achayati” girls who were waiting for the Sabhari express at the railways just like me, I found someone throwing her stare quite often at me with a red check shirt which seemed well fitted for her fair lean body and a light blue denim jean to make her perfectly beautiful.

   She was accompanied by her “Not so aged mother” who seemed very responsible and tensed while advising, laughing talking and making some kind of weird expression which I could not figure out. I understood that the girl with the red shirt is a student studying outside Kerala.

The scheduled train arrived at an unscheduled timing, to cut down the restlessness of the crowd waiting, blowing and spreading the dust on the air and of course to our nostrils. As I was getting in I checked the second door to realize that the girl is getting into the same bogie.

   I forgot to tell, I had a company with me till my destination who is my friend. And so,we started searching for a space that might occupy us which was not in vain as we found the space sooner in the third compartment itself. Fortunately, the red shirt girl had her reservation on the left corner of where we sat. The train started moving as she waved hands to her mom right after a flying kiss and she looked at me. It seemed she needed to ask me something.

    A couple of girls were roaming around for seats and some of them fixed themselves in the upper berth where she sits and the upper berth opposite to mine.

      She looked at me again which made me smile and it led her to smile back at me. My ear phones sang a song for me at that time “Hey, hey, hey, it’s a beautiful day; I can’t stop myself from smiling”.

She took a couple of books from the bag which seemed like textbooks and a couple of pens from a “girly pouch” that she carried. Is she going to study in the train? No, No way. She started drawing something on the notebook hastefully. The girls sat in the upper berth started researching on what she was doing and laughing at her studiousness in a sarcastic way secretly. 

She was not looking at me any more now as she was concentrating on her studies. Some thing was making me not to  keep my eyes off her.She is different.She looks different.Was that the reason?

 Even a beautiful diamond fitted in her pierced nose seemed overshadowed by the sparkling of her face in the balmy day light hit on her through window. It seemed she saw me looking at her. She smiled spreading her beautiful red lips evenly. A black mole on the lower lips increased its beauty even more.

“Hey, we have reached Ernakulam”. It was my friend who shouted at me as she happened to know I was not aware of that fact. The train hauled with a sudden jerk with a weird sound as I stood up to walk to the door to alight, she asked me wearing a smile on her beautiful face,

“Are you Sameera? Sravan’s elder sister?”

I said “Yea,How do you know?”

She answered pleasantly chuckling “I am his friend, we have met a couple of years before”

I heard the shriek whistle blowing  from the engine of the train to warn the passengers as she waved her hands .I smiled at her and alighted.

The lost 37 years

 [Inspired from a real life character who spent his 37 years in jail]

                 I killed her. I killed the person I loved most. I did not know she was cheating me all these years. I neither did hear the cop’s questions nor the court’s judgement. Hopes are dead like an old Radio lying in the attic. I can hear nothing. There is no meaning for life any more.
          While I was walking through the veranda, one of the inmate at jail showed me a person who was watering the gardens.
“He is in this place for the last 37 years. He came here at the age of 24.Now he is 61”
I nodded and asked “Why?”
“He raped and killed a women and her daughter”
I was shocked to hear that. He looked very calm and he always wears a smile on his face. But nobody talks to him. I don’t know how a person looking so innocent could be a monster.
He was the one who waved his hands to say hi to me while I was thinking over and over “how to kill myself”. I did not respond to him. He asked me,
“Why did you kill your wife?”
I replied “What the hell is your problem, you blithesome looking monster. Don’t you understand I really don’t want to talk to you?”
He was not disappointed, my reply seems to have made no effect on him. He smiled and repeated the phrase again and again followed by a laughter every time as he walked away.
   I saw him waving his hands at me at the canteen and I ignored him. Suddenly he disappeared in the next day. I asked one of the cops about him. I got to know that he proved his innocence after 37 years. The legal system of the country apologised and relieved him from this god forsaken place. At last he proved that he was not a monster.
I was really bad to him. I thought. I should have heard him and talked to him because all the way he is a better person than me. He came to this place at the age of 24 and he is 61 now. All his youthful years. The lost 37 years which could be full of love, happiness, fun. God sometimes is very cruel.
Days passed. I still did not figure out how to end this meaningless life. It was the jail supervisor who handed over a letter to me. I was surprised to see what was written on the “from column” of the letter as I flipped the envelope. It written “The blithesome looking Monster : ) “
                          ************  
The letter

Hi Sam,
Sometimes life is uncontrollable. I saw the disappointment in your eyes. That is what made me to write for you. I did not know whether you still call me the same you used to call.
I was in jail for the last 37 years trying to prove my innocence. Before 37 years, I was as disappointed as you are now. Life is sometimes unfair and unethical. But life can be good even at the unfair, unethical and bad times, if you are positive. Without bad time, challenges there cannot be happiness or I would say “You will never realize what happiness is.
I was a person who doesn’t know what bad times are, what sadness was. I didn’t have a bit of commitment to any one than to me. Not even to my parents. I was happily spending the money I inherited from my parents. I did not even have some good friends.
    Now I know how good times differs from bad times and how does happiness differ from sadness. It seems God wanted to convey this to me. The lost 37 years taught me the value of happiness, sadness, Love, Commitment, relationships and dreams.
It seems nothing can disappoint me now as I am stronger.
I am writing this from Agra. Sitting in front of the Taj Mahal reminded me of your love for your wife. I am in a ride from Kerala to Jammu Kashmir in the God’s own country, India. India is indeed incredibly beautiful. I am determined even in my 61 year of living that I will complete my mission if I don’t die riding my machine built by Enfield.
Sam, There is only one life. Smile, Laugh and confront the challenges boldly. Killing yourself will definitely help you to hide from your tomorrows. Don’t be a coward, don’t give up. There are more days to come. May be you could also fly on the wings of your dreams. Live life like today is the last day on earth. Let the life make you stronger to confront challenges ahead.
God bless you,
Martin.
                                                                 *******************
I smiled. I would have killed myself if I were him. His situation was worse than me. How could a person be so determined who has lost his 37 youthful years inside a jail watering gardens and sharing foods with the birds. Who could we blame? The legal system of the country or the GOD?
   Whoever was the reason for it, it doesn’t bother him anymore as he was accelerating his machine to the highest peak of the country at the age of 61 with quite a lot of determination to confront the challenges ahead and to reach his destination at last.